Kipper The Dog
by RoxTaylor
Summary: Just a little shot at how annoying Childrens programmes can be.


**Kipper The Dog**

This is just a strange little thing that came out one night when I was trying to work on something else. Before I could concentrate I just had to clear this from my head, this is what too much babysitting can do for you, the kids programmes songs are just catchy they get stuck in my head. This is just a bit of fun hope you enjoy.

_Italics_ – song words.

"_They call him Kipper… Kipper the dog."_

Seifer clenched his fists as he sat on his bed holding his book like a shield in front of his face. Yes, Seifer big shot Balamb Garden's resident asshole liked to read, at least HIS private pass time was quite and nowhere near as annoying as some that others had, others such as the likes of Zell.

"That's Kipper, Kipper the dog…" 

Seifer read the same sentence again. How many times now had he read 'the important thing to remember when dealing with Hexadragons is the teeth..' thirteen, fourteen times now.

"By the way that's a toad not a frog…" 

Seifer growled and launched his book at his bedroom door as he pulled his pillow over his head. Nope. Still couldn't drown that stupid song out. He swung his legs off the edge of the bed, pillow tumbling to the floor, and clenched his fists into his hair pulling a few unlucky strands free.

"He can do this…" 

Seifer tugged at the hair still trapped between his fingers as his eyes searched wildly round his room for his stereo, Looking for anything that could drive the song from his room and his ears.

"Do you think that you could?" 

Seifer stormed over to his desk in the corner of his room. "Must find stereo. Stereo gone. Where did it go? Don't panic. Where did you put it last night?"

Flash back

"Squall? What the fuck do you want?" Seifer asked mildly annoyed at having his shower interrupted.

"Selphie's on the Garden committee rampage again." Squall said, no hint of worry or anxiety there. Something was up here.

"And, that's important enough to pull me out of my shower." Seifer growled, "I'm not joining her stupid committee. Not even if you order it."

"You don't have to." Squall replied, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

'What the fuck, has he gotten into Selphie's supply of Pixie sticks again?' "And you thought I'd want to know so desperately because?" Seifer asked irritation clear in his voice.

Squall still had the corners of his mouth pulled up into that little grin of his. "It's going to cost us your stereo."

"US? It's going to cost US… MY stereo? What the fuck kind of deal is that Leonheart?" Seifer demanded.

"Well out of everyone you have the best stereo for Selphie's Ultimecia, gone and dusted party she wants to throw, and if you give it to her, you're free from pestering and pleadings over banners and balloons." Squall nodded slowly to confirm that the deal was actually real.

Seifer's rage was gone and replaced by curiosity? "Right, and how does my stereo get YOU out of helping?"

"Selphie's scared of you, all I had to do was ask for her." Squall shrugged "So do we have a deal?"

"Yeah sure, No problem, you and the cowboy can pick it up about six… After I finish my shower."

End Flash Back

"Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!"

"He can do that which is more than any old cat could…" 

Seifer slammed his fist onto his desk, "FUCK!" Seifer roared as he picked up his paperweight and hurtled it against his wall, leaving a nice sized creator on the left hand side of his Cloud Strife poster.

"Would you like a dog, like a dog…" 

Seifer's window entered his vision. "Yes, escape!" Seifer stormed over to the window, pulled the handles up and gave it a shove.

"Like a dog, like a dog, like Kipper the dog…" 

Seifer blinked at the five-inch gap the window had opened to and blinked in disbelief. "AAHHHH! Hyne dammed safety catches, who cares if we're eighteen floors up, I'm nineteen not four!" Seifer strode over to his bedroom door and hauled it open.

"_Now that's a frog…."_

'I was never this cruel and sadistic even when I was working for Ultimecia killing and torturing hundreds I would never have made them listen to …THAT.' Seifer mused frustrated with his current helpless situation. "CHICKEN WUSS! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Seifer roared, if it was possible steam would have been pouring from his ears.

"Huh…Nothin'" Zell said with a look of confusion.

"Nothin'?" Seifer repeated, mimicking Zell's words sarcastically. Doesn't sound like nothing"

"What the… Hyne Seifer I'm just watchin' T.V" Zell huffed.

Seifer walked calmly over to the T.V stand and pressed the eject button on the DVD player. Sure enough out came the retched disk of horrors with one simple prod.

"Hey ya ass I was watchin that." Zell protested at the interruption of his T.V time.

"Oh sorry Zell, let me fix that for you." Seifer dropped the disk and stamped on it. A small plastic crunch was heard under his heel, so he bent down to pick the disk up and finish the job by snapping it clean in two."

"What the fuck! Hey… that's mine, ya git." Zell protested the destruction of his much love DVD.

Seifer launched the shards of disk at Zell's head as he breezed back into his room, slamming the door behind him, the feeling of smugness growing within him. His torture was over at last. He picked up his book and started to read again.

In the living room Zell glanced at the door for a few moments before shrugging and reaching under his couch pillow.

Seifer snuggled down in his pillow, a deep sigh of relief escaping him. 'The important thing to remember about Hexadragons teeth is that…"

"Time for Teletubbies… Time for Teletubbies…" 

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